fading_faster:

I could watch " Zack and Miri make a porno" again, But im lazy and i dont want to press play on the dvd player. Ive been very stressed out lately, I dont know what from either-


I had Farnham tuesday and so i woke up mad early, got dressed and walked myself out into the cold ass air, it was 46 when i left my house; i talk the therapists ear off for an hour and i walk home; in a good mood, so i go in, and eat some speggetti-o's you know the ones with the little mermaid cutouts, well i ate those, dino nuggets and a hot pocket, I refuse to eat breakfast so when im home i eat like a monster.

So im eating my grub, minding my own buisness, and becka comes and she's like i want some dino nuggz, so im like ok, Ill make some; so i sit on the couch and start munching down like i havent had anything to eat, which i havent..

this bitch says " Krrrrrysten is a faaaaaattttt assss bitchhhh", "sheeee issss ssssoooo obesssssssssseee" kept saying it over and over again, so i get up and pour myself some tea, hoping that she would stop, well she didnt, she's hitting me with a phone book saying the same shit over and over again, and i told her to stop NUMEROUS times- with her my patience is LOW!! and well im an emotional person.

so i get up and im bitching at her, i feel my whole body tremble, i wanted to smash her face into the wall so bad, but i didnt, so i go to make my way up stairs and she's still saying shit, and she's yelling at me, " oh you do the same thing, you call me fat" Im like becka, you are. Im 22 and YOU are 12, big diffrence sweet heart.

so i go upstairs in my room, and i just o balistic, I turn on the radio sit there for a second, and try to cut my wrists. (im making this a habit now a days and i dk why) so i use a metal part of a pen, the sharp side- then im searching thru my dresser and i found a knife, im like oh great, so i dig that it, and I did make it bleed a little, it didnt hurt so bad until after the fact.

well i go downstairs, still upset and call derek on the phone bawling my eyes out on the phone to him about killing myself and asking him to find me a ride to Mental Health, I was so serious by this time, that i didnt give a fuck.

so i left.

derek ended up coming over, he's like Ill meet you halfway down your street, well i ended up takling another street and he found me, two blocks down, still talking like he knows me or something.

the sad part is: that he does.

so i go and txt my friend liz and i saty at her house for a few hours, and she ends up bringing me home.

the end.

Today: I had probation, I woke up at 6, 7, and 926 to be ther at 10, i get there and the guys a retard, Ihe wants me to go to school 8 hours a week, i wanted to tell him, ill go when i feel like it. i also told him id rather go to jail- i have farnham once every week for an hour, probation two times a moth, for 25 mins or so, they want me to go to class 8 hours a week and still find a job.

#1- I dont wake up Usually until noon. (unless i have an appointment)

#2- I WALK everywhere..

#3- GED classes suck, Ive told him before i need help in math, ive been asking for a tutor for 3!!!! years, have i gotten one? No, do the teachers help me? NO!! they chit chat all day..

#4- there is no number 4


_____________________________________________________

On a better note i made a cl ad like last month, I got a shit ton of responces back and this one really stood out, his name is Mishael (My-shay el) he's the sweetest nigg ever, he's cute, nice lips, ect.

ZHe has two kids, and they are half white.
which is nice.

well anywho, he came and met my family about 2 weeks ago, that was a trip i though, beck kept saying nigga's and nigger and he didnt care, good thing cause i say it ALOT. so that nighht,m he was going to spend the nighht, cause he lives in NEDROW, im like geesh, thats a haul.

he says he is but then we are getting horny, and we end up doing eachother.. so he's like im gonna leave ill call if i come back.


he never called.


actually i didnt hear from him until LAst thursday..
he lost his wallet and my number was in there..

he says he wants to see me.

i said mhm, im sure you do.

idk.
i just dk.